I once had a job as a computer programmer and it paid more than I was able to spend.
Seriously, the secretary used to get ticked off because I kept forgetting to cash my paychecks. I was walking around with thousands of dollars folded up in my wallet, totally useless. Meanwhile, I was loading up my Amazon cart with one impulse purchase after another.
Argh, that money sure sounds tasty these days. But, therein lies my conflict. Yes, I’m dissatisfied, but even when I had money, I was still dissatisfied. I want both money and satisfaction.
It’s hard for me to believe this right now, but my experiences tell me money can’t buy satisfaction. When I had a job, I was afraid to check my voicemails. I always imagined people were mad at me and I did whatever I could to avoid hearing about it.
The money was there, folded up in my wallet, ready to satisfy. But, I was still afraid to check the voicemails.
(Don’t get me wrong, there were no assholes at this job. Everyone was great, it was a laidback environment, and we got along and had fun and did cool things.)
That’s why I write online. That’s why I work with people one-on-one. I want a job where I’m not afraid to check my voicemails, where I’m the one who decides who’s mad at me and how I respond to it.
And people WILL get mad. Before the pandemic, I worked at a university, accompanying voice lessons on the piano. In February 2020, I got called into a meeting with the department head and the dean because one of the voice teachers had an issue with me.
I thought the meeting went well, but then the pandemic happened and I haven’t heard from any of them since. Wtf.
See, that doesn’t work for me. I want to be the one in control. Inevitably, people are going to get mad at me and I want to be able to bail without losing all my income.
I’m NOT willing to conform just for a paycheck. I wouldn’t even know how to do that.
Before my programming job, I was a TA at another university. It was an introductory computer science class for engineering majors. Almost half of the students were cheating and I got so fed up that I refused to give any grade higher than a 0.
The professor wasn’t happy and told me my services were no longer needed.
Really?
Come on, whatever happened to Truth and Justice?
So, that’s why I don’t just get a job to solve my money problem. I can’t play nicely with others. I can only submit to authority and stifle my humanity for so long. Eventually, I have to tell the truth, and it sucks having to risk losing all my income whenever that happens.
I want to be the boss. Maybe there’s a smarter or at least saner way to be, but this is how I’ve always been.
Hey, just being honest.
—Michael
P.S. Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans 🇺🇲🏈🍔